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Dissolving Duality

through words and photography

An Organized Chaos

Damn. I love writing. I love the way I feel when I write. I love the way I feel when I put my pen down after experiencing it sail across my journal with such ease. I feel most confident when I write. I feel most in tune with both myself and the world around me when I write. It helps me not feel so lonely, and it reassures me that it’s ok to want to be alone.

My chaotic thoughts often serve as whirlpools in my head- inveigling me into the depths of an abyss to the point where I cannot even tell if I’m drowning or not. But writing… writing systemizes my thoughts into a sort of organized chaos. I get to transcend destructive thoughts into a work of therapeutic art. Writing is an authentic part of me that has been unscathed by my own ego. It’s unlike my other hobbies, because yes, I write for me, but I do not only feel more connected to myself; I feel one with those around me too. It’s because when I write, I feel human again. I no longer feel like an outsider. I feel unseen, unsure, unheard, validated, clarified, empowered… I actually feel the spectrum of emotions. So many flow throughout my body during the duration I write for. I feel everything that everybody else feels, and that is the most important part. I remember everyone endures an array of emotions. Indeed, we each have different journeys, but that’s the thing… we’re all living a journey. We share the experience of having unique experiences. Writing just happens to be the most robust outlet for me to see the artistry in the human mind and psyche.

My wish is that everybody finds their tool that keeps life in perspective but does not restrict them from living the ebb and flow of emotion. The human journey is too delicate to spend time resisting that inevitable flow. I dream of everybody pouring themselves into their outlet and remembering that happiness truly does lie within. Any obstacles in the way of reaching that place is just that- an obstacle. Something that is in the way, and a part of the way, but not the way.

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a note for You

This one is for You.  

For me, you serve as a reflection for all of existence.  A mirror for the core of creation… You are a light.  The most luminous light which emits nothing but love.  You are a reminder for what it means to be human- a sense of innocence with control.  There is no obstacle which you are not capable of surmounting.  Allow yourself to experience your bright light.  Do not be blinded by your own light, for you have all of the resources to pull yourself out of the dark.  

In You, I am able to see Me.  Someone I am capable of being… someone I have already become, yet haven’t fully accepted.  In you, I remember who I Am.  Who I want to be. Purity.  Liberated.  I feel capable of hiking on the earthly realm while still floating amongst the universal current.

You are loved graciously and eternally.  Through the love I radiate to You, I am reminded that nothing but love surrounds me.  Through seeing you as entirety, I feel the pulse of creation; I feel the love that fills the endless vibrations around me.

Always remember you are nothing but love.  Creating, radiating, receiving nothing but love. 
With love and light,

Ayesha

Endless Mortality

She comes to me

When stakes are high, revenge is low.

A shadow unearthing all my secrets

My solemn despair.

I breathe in her love, rejoice in her divinity.

She is all that I cannot fathom to encompass.

She whispers in my ear

In moments when I feel still.

Too still.

To breathe, to love, to hope.

She gives me air, she is my breeze.

A gentle nudge.

Why is it that I do not feel like her

Why am I not her if I am created from her essence

How can I love so deeply, when that which I love is not the love seen within me?


 

 

Love Dissolves Duality

Loving is what brings us back to Source. The act of loving naturally drives us to acknowledge all that we originally came here with. For when we love, truly love, we begin appreciating all of the harmony in the world. We see contrast in the world, but we release any negative connotations associated with certain polarities. When we love, when we return to Source, we recognize how everything is as it should be. When we love, we begin embracing all that is. Thus, the idea of separation diminishes. Love has no polar opposite. Hate is not needed to understand love, because hate is taught. Love is natural. When love exists, opposites cease to exist. Duality begins to diminish; everything begins coexisting and merging… loving unveils the connectedness between everything.

 

 

I witnessed death today

And it was quite beautiful.




I saw the orchids unveil themselves from the tips of their existence.

I heard the delicacy of the wind

Churning throughout the vacantly filled space

Ensuring its existence was illustrious.




I noted a cinereal sky

Not dismal, but luminous.

An amalgamation of ashen colored clouds

Floating diligently.




Being blown in either direction

But trekking eagerly.




Below,

Three dead men whisper secrets.

Granting the wind permission

To relay their feelings to the clouds




But

The lost souls look up

To see the clouds speak

Only to get lost

In the heights of the sky

The depths of the air

Getting pushed by the wind.




Yearning for a life they already live

Dreaming of a life they once had

Craving a life they think is living.




Only to become the death of the breathing.











 

 

 

 

3.19.17

For me, my flow is illustrious.

No rhyming involved,

No clearly construed conversation.




For me, my flow awaits in the bountiful air.

The multitude of flowers

Rooting into ancient history

Blossoming the contemplative earth.




I will never be

What has been.

I will never be,

What you think I am becoming.




Who I am is not expressed through the wilting of my petals.

Who I am is reflected below,

What roots us down,

What keeps me from falling.




I am not held

By the sun that shines

Or the rain that descends




I stem from the core,

I transcend from my depths.




Only to show you all you resist to see.

 

 

The Truth About Nonviolent Resistance

 

Is nonviolence capable of working effectively in any situation?

Is the “fight” response truly a part of human nature? Or has it been a learned trait, which has then energetically intertwined itself into our chemical makeup? Personally, “fighting” as a basic survival tactic has always been an area of skepticism for me…

We are taught that learning to acknowledge another person’s perspective comes with maturity. Moreover, this “skill” is acquired with age. We learn that empathy is not something that we understand right away. Although I can delve into this concept more, I’ll save you my unnecessarily long explanations. Basically, if such an impactful concept such as gender roles can be taught to a four-year-old, I believe the simple feeling of empathy can be heavily expressed at such a young age as well.

In my opinion, love comes more naturally than hate… acceptance comes more naturally than judgments and imposed division. Beliefs create division, and beliefs are taught…

Nonetheless, with our current understanding of how the human brain functions, I can see why violence would be an initial reaction for solving problems. Moreover, a popular mindset is “I’m not going down without a fight.” Both sides to a dispute obviously believe that their ways are right and the most justified. So, when they can, they are not going to try to acknowledge the other side. To call attention to an issue, a certain action has to directly impact the opposition. That is when fighting is effective… violence can be effective because it achieves obtaining attention. However, that is all it does. It feeds the ego, furthers division, and increases power-hungry people.

Nonviolent action must be able to directly influence the other side. This is where the power of boycotting comes in. In our system, we benefit from each other in one form or another. We rely on each other, which makes the approach of not taking action so powerful. This also puts us on a level playing field in a way. Instead of having an inferior and superior group-which occurs with violence-people realize that we need each other for our own benefits.

Subsequently, nonviolence doesn’t always have to be verbal or silent… I feel like there is a universal language that we still need to uncover (to a greater extent at least). Sure, the language of words can be powerful, but only if they can connect with the audience. We are all constructed from certain ideas, beliefs, etc. because of words, so we resonate differently with each. I think that there is something more that we have not quite grasped… a language everybody can relate to in some form.  The act of fighting can be universal, but the language is not, because it is still Us vs. Them. There has to be a way to disrupt conflict with a universal language, such as love, art, etc… something that allows us all to feel validated, connected, heard… because these are key reasons why we have conflict in the first place…

 

I See… I Am…

Each time I look into the mirror,

I fail at consistency.



My eyes an aperture

A passage to illuminate

or dim




I see two different beings

on any given day




I see a punching bag;

Myself.

An object. A victim.

An outlet for my rage

An outlet to express

my disgust in the flesh being

that stares back at me.

I see me.

A sorry being for my existence

A punching bag to abuse

With words that puncture

Knives that tear

away the flesh

I see as a giant flawed organ.




In the mirror

I see a canvas of wood

An earthly slate to paint.

Roots diving into the depths of the galaxies

Flesh made from stars

An opportunity to paint greatness

I see innocence

I see art.

A fragment of Mother Nature

Of the wind of the sun of the moon

Crying rain droplets

To nourish growing plants that lay within

a love-flooded heart.

An opportunity to nourish these internal plants

Or let them shrivel

An opportunity to grow with these plants

To provide food, provide flowers

Provide beauty

To every being.




When I look into the mirror

I am greeted by a sacred face

An active mind

A yearning soul




I choose whether to allow my thoughts dictate who I am,

Or to consistently feel the tether of the universe

flow within me




An artist. A canvas. I am.

 

Which Exit Do I Take?

The mind and the heart travel on two separate roads. Occasionally, the roads merge, but often, the heart’s path is simply an exit placed along the track of the wandering mind. In fact, the heart seems to place several exit signs on your path until you decide to take one.

The gut of the heart is a stubborn one. The heart wants what it wants. A mind can be influenced. It can be redirected. But a heart yearns. It craves. It controls.

The mind is ego-based. It is also quite stubborn. It acknowledges what the heart wants, but it still thinks at its own pace. The mind echoes that it is okay to focus on the its selfish desires rather than the heart’s needs.

So… which route do you take? Do you continue following what you want? Or do you accept the universe’s guidance- knowing there will be some pain? Moreover, if the exit is what you need, why is there so much emotion associated with taking it? Why are there tears? Why is there hurt?

The easy answer for not allowing change- not allowing a modification in scenery to occur- is your current comfort. You get so used to driving at the same speed in the same direction. Yes, there have been some pauses, some “bumps in the road” (lmao that pun killed me), but you don’t mind because overall, the road is predictable.

You may also be afraid. Scared to make that one decision that could alter everything. I mean, if you’re comfortable with where you are, why would you travel in an unknown direction and risk all that you currently have?

It’s such a challenging situation when something feels so right yet so wrong. All solutions dictating where to make that turn onto the new course are personal. There is no “right” answer, because any lesson that you need to be taught will be learned at some point. However, sometimes we all need to remind ourselves that change is what creates us. Change is what gives us a road to travel on.

The heart will get what it eventually needs. And just to be clear, the heart is the soul’s voice… when I say need, I’m referencing to the intangible desires. For example, you don’t “need” a specific person. The significance for why you yearn might be the need for self-love- putting yourself before others. Or, perhaps, you need to learn to let go of attachment. Despite whatever the stubborn heart attempts to convey, the lesson will inevitably be learned at some point.

There is no complete, concrete map of all the places you will go. Broad destinations you’ll travel to are mapped out, but part of reaching your destination is discovering new roads and paving your own way. Go where your curiosity leads you. Focus on what you need. Focus on your underlying reasons for why you want. Think about what is holding you back, and then be open to your heart guiding you.

Ultimately, you will always reach your destination.

 

 

Namasté,

Ayesha

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